I’ve heard it said that we’re all in the same ocean, but we’re not all in the same boat. Some people are doing more okay than others right now. But no matter what boat you’re in, it feels like 2020 is the giant squid trying to drag them all—yachts, canoes, cruise ships, and pool floats alike—to the bottom of the ocean.
Fires. Plague. Meteors. Riots. Worldwide economic crisis. Murder Hornets. (And don’t you DARE say “Well, at least it can’t get any worse!” because it ALWAYS can)
My money is on “Space Pirates” and “The Amish Save Us All.”
A lot of people are struggling right now. A lot of people would like to go back to March, when it was JUST a plague, and no one really knew what stir crazy really was yet, and no one was willing to risk their life for a haircut. Or abs. Or to see the president speak in person.
I recently read a blog post by one of my favorite bloggers, Eric Barker, that talked about the science of hope. It was something I hadn’t really thought about before. Being hopeful is so often dismissed as being anti-intellectual, or ignoring all of the truly awful things that happen in the world every day. So, as a life-long optimist, armed with nothing but my feeling that it’s just better to be happy than unhappy, it was nice to hear someone with authority say that hope doesn’t require putting on blinders.
You ready for the secret?
Hope is not passive. Hope requires ACTION.
Hope is the sum of perceived capabilities to produce routes to desired goals, along with the perceived motivation to use those routes… According to the theory, people who are hopeful believe they are good at generating goal thoughts, creating effective pathways leading to goal attainment, maintaining agency thoughts to provide enough motivation for the goal pursuit, and handling barriers that arise.
-C. R. Snyder, from “The Handbook of Hope”
After I read that, my brain went “Well, of COURSE!”
I’ve been working with other artists for about four years now, helping them take steps toward their goals, and the ones who take steps start to feel more empowered (and thus more hopeful) because they see that they can effect positive change in their own life.
Research by Teresa Amabile at Harvard has shown that progress in meaningful goals is the most motivating thing there is (well, short of having a Bengal tiger chasing you).
-Eric Barker, from “3 Things the Most Resilient People Do Every Day”
Hope is knowing that no matter how bad things are at the moment, you have the power within you to make them better…even if it is going to be difficult, take a lot of time or money, or require sacrifice.
Take off the rose-colored glasses and get to work!
Optimism and hope are different.
Optimism and hope are not the same. Optimism is the belief that the world is changing for the better; hope is the belief that, together, we can make the world better
-Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, from “To Heal a Fractured World: The Ethics of Responsibility”
I’ve always been an optimist, but before I started taking action, that quality could actually be a detriment, because when the world would prove me wrong, despair would easily take over. I was not confident in my ability to handle whatever life threw my way. Optimism would disappear with a bank overdraft or someone’s careless words.
A bad audition could send me down into a sucking void of shame and despair that would convince me that not only did that audition suck, but the fact that it sucked means that I am untalented, will never BE talented, and that I am therefore a worthless human being, unworthy of love, and all my friends hate me.
Hope is having that bad audition, but knowing that I can take steps to make the next one better, and taking those steps immediately, before I have time to spiral out of control.
Hope is being prepared for that sucking void by having a plan to avoid it:
What is my goal?
To get better at auditioning.
How will I do this?
By practicing my monologues.
So what is the plan?
Every time I feel not so great about an audition, I will spend the drive home working on monologues. Give my lizard brain something to do besides mercilessly beat me up for funsies.
And guess what? IT WORKED. Immediately.
I didn’t immediately believe that my auditions were less sucky, but I was more forgiving of myself, knowing that I was actively working on improving my outcomes.
Every time you face a challenge head on, and realize “I got this!” you will become ever slightly more hopeful.
In order to be hopeful, you must be able to visualize your goal, see multiple ways to achieve that goal, and be able to summon enough motivation to take action in that direction and overcome obstacles.
I can just hear someone say now “But I’ve taken action, and nothing happened!”
Well, if you gave up after taking action only once or twice, then yeah, that’s why nothing happened. You can’t give up until you reach your goal. In order to be hopeful, you have to be consistent about taking action, and meet any obstacles that you encounter with a “fuck you” attitude and say to them “You can’t stop me!”
I get it. It can be uncomfortable to push through when obstacles arise. It's easier to go eat some ice cream and say "Eh...I'll deal with that later." But if you start practicing facing that discomfort on a regular basis, it will get easier.
In the face of all of the huge challenges that we are facing personally and societally, the other two options are to give up on life entirely (I don’t recommend this option), or to sit on your couch playing video games or bingeing Parks and Rec again until you get evicted and you’re forced to move back in with your parents.
Yeah. I’m choosing hope.
Eternal symbol of hope. Also, Happy Pride!
Let’s recap:
To have hope, you have to take action.
Have a goal. Figure out what you really want and state it out loud.
Then make a plan. If you don’t know where to start, get help.
Decide that nothing will stop you from pursuing your goal. Have the attitude of “I can do this”
Next week, I’ll go into more depth about ways to break down your goals, and in the near future, I’ll also talk about the difference between different types of goals, and how to find your goal if you don’t have one.
In the meantime, if you want more reasons to feel hopeful, go read Eric Barker’s original article “3 Things the Most Resilient People Do Every Day.” Barker gives more evidence and reasons to be hopeful during our current (and future) crises.
With hope,
Billie Jo