In case you haven’t already read my most recent post, I am currently doing a group coaching course with author Jen Sincero.
She wrote the book You Are a Badass, as well as a few other self-helpy books with badass in the title, and I have read them NUMEROUS times.
I’ve been reading books similar to these for going on two decades. The Artists Way. The War of Art. And so many other formative books about the psychology of going after the things you want in life and uncovering the things that hold you back from doing so. (Full list below)
You’d think, in that time, I would have had some major breakthroughs, and I’ve had some smaller ones for sure, however…
If breakthroughs were easy, we’d all be freaking billionaires.
After many years and LOTS of reading and self-reflection, I was still only dealing with some surface level discoveries in the archeological dig into my psyche.
Some pottery shards of obvious limiting beliefs related to my blue collar family and a few bone fragments of fear of making decisions, but nothing to alert National Geographic about.
Oooooh…this might have been something! But what?
And then came this group coaching course.
The format of this course is that there are 250 of us. We have worksheets and pre-recorded lessons from Jen, and a Facebook group in which to share and ask questions, but our face time with Jen is limited to four 90 minute group sessions in 8 weeks, so it’s not like we’re getting to dive deep into our own stuff with her. We have to do that work on our own.
Daily meditations are strongly encouraged, and the worksheets have writing exercises to prompt self-reflection.
In her book You Are a Badass at Making Money, Jen talks about her own huge epiphany about the limiting belief that was holding her back from making more money. Five reads through, and I knew this story so well, I could probably tell it myself. Yet nothing of this magnitude had rocked me in the many times I’d read it.
All of a sudden last week, I woke up early one morning (as I do every morning when Teddy requests kitty treats around sunrise) and I just couldn’t fall back asleep.
My brain was racing, and the thing it had latched onto was the equivalent of finding an Ancient Egyptian monument buried in your backyard: huge, valuable, and full of really important information about the past.
Wow, that’s a lot to unpack…
I was afraid to fall back asleep and lose this important discovery, but luckily, it was still there when I awoke.
Whether it’s a real or metaphorical archeological find, this type of thing is not easy to deal with.
You can’t just leave it sticking out of the dirt, partially uncovered. If you leave it sticking out, it’s sure to attract unwanted attention. If you try to rebury it, but you will know it’s there, and it’s going to work at your brain…”What if…?”
Or as my dear Candace Birk said “You can’t unknow this.”
When you set out to change your life in a big way, as I’ve done a few times in my life, these kinds of discoveries tend to happen.
Just keep digging…
This is what a breakthrough really is—a discovery that leads you to the beginning of what is probably going to be a lot of hard work.
You start to excavate under your house to uncover why you can’t get water to the guest bathroom, and somewhere along the way, you find a massive boulder that’s shifted and is blocking the pipes.
It’s a dirty job to begin with, and on top of that, it doesn’t matter how careful you are while you are digging it out to repair the plumbing, you’re probably going to hit something and end up covered in shit.
So, here I am, covered in metaphorical crap. Dealing with my psychological revelations, wallowing in sewage.
It’s going to take me a while to clean up this mess, and get the pipes reconnected so I can take a metaphorical shower.
It’s not pretty, but I swear, it will all be okay…
While I do that, I’ve got a whole new accountability group just for the Badass Coaching program to help keep me in check. In fact, I bet them all $40 each that I wouldn’t get the following done this past week:
Submit 75 Auditions
Send 3 states of marketing emails
Prep 3 states of marketing emails
Email my agent about an idea I had
Submit to 10 regional agents
Post this blog
Some of these things I’ve been putting off for months (or longer)! But as of me writing this, I only have one more item on this list to complete.
It was a lot to do, for sure, but you know what helps?
Three things:
Having an accountability group that is actually going to hold you to what you said (or at least meaning it when you make a bet and not going back on that)
Making your tasks achievable, but also a stretch. Scare yourself a bit, but also make sure you have complete control over these tasks. If they depend on someone else to complete, you could easily fail.
Giving up some things that will get in the way of achieving your goal—as I write, my clean laundry is spending day 5 on the living room chair, and also, I delegated my editing on a job I did this week, because it freed up three or four hours for me to do other tasks like auditioning and marketing.
As for dealing with the other crap, you know what has helped with that? Actually dealing with those feelings. Self care. Crying when I need to cry. Journaling. Talking about it. Having difficult conversations.
And then moving on to what Jen calls “keeping your energy high vibe.”
Meditation. Gratitude practice. Listening to this kick ass playlist I made for the course. Talking to other people who are kicking ass. Anything to keep my energy high and positive.
It’s working. It’s all working.
So often, we avoid doing things because of some form of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of not being perfect.
So many people TALK about limiting beliefs, but honestly, the real breakthrough is when you find the limiting beliefs that are under the surface. The ones that aren’t obvious and don’t even make logical sense, but when you say them out loud, they’re sharp, and they hurt and bring tears to your eyes.
That’s how you know you’re getting somewhere.
No, it’s not fun. But you know what? Neither is staying stuck. Neither is not achieving your goals because you’re always holding yourself back and you don’t know why.
Doing the real work is messy. It hurts. But that’s where real breakthroughs happen.
Thanks, as always, for reading!
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So many books, so little time!
Here’s a full list of the non-fiction pop-psych books I’ve read over the past five years or so; I’ve highlighted the ones that have had the biggest impact on me and would recommend the most:
Becoming Supernatural by Joe Dispenza
Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Bill Burnett
Your Next Five Moves: Master the Art of Business Strategy by Patrick Bet-David
The Extended Mind: The Power of Thinking Outside the Brain by Annie Murphy Paul
The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace Wattles
Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work by Chip Heath
The Talent Code: Unlocking the Secret of Skill in Sports, Art, Music, Math and Just About Everything Else by Daniel Coyle
Real Artists Don’t Starve: Timeless Strategies for Thriving in the New Creative Age by Jeff Goins
What Motivates Getting Things Done: Procrastination, Emotions, and Success by Mary Lamia
The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks
How to Not Always Be Working: A Toolkit for Creativity and Radical Self-Care by Marlee Grace
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know by Adam M. Grant
How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age by Dale Carnegie
Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap by James C. Collins
Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else by Geoff Colvin
The Genius in All of Us: Why Everything You’ve Been Told About Genetics, Talent, and IQ is Wrong by David Shenk
Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual by Luvvie Ajayi Jones
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink
The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Pscyhology by Shawn Achor
Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success by Keith Ferrazzi
Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know by Malcolm Gladwell
The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact by Chip Heath and Dan Heath
Psycho-Cybernetics, Updated and Expanded by Maxwell Maltz
The Choice: Embrace the Possible by Edith Eger
Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts by Annie Duke
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
Success Habits: Proven Principles for Greater Wealth, Health, and Happiness by Napoleon Hill
Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek
The 10x Rule: The Only Difference Between Success and Failure by Grant Cardone
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits by James Clear
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
The Art of Choosing by Sheena Iyengar
Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss
59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot by Richard Wiseman
Mindset: The New Pyschology of Success by Carol S. Dweck
Born to Win: Find Your Success Code by Zig Ziglar
The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chodron
Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter & Organize to Make More Room for Happiness by Gretchen Rubin
The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Amanda Palmer
The Tools: Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity by Phil Stutzm Barry Michels
When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing by Daniel H. Pink
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown
The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better by Gretchen Rubin
The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Command of Your Life by Bernard Roth
Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment by George Leonard
Manage Your Day-To-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus, and Sharpen Your Creative Mind by Jocelyn K. Glei
The Unlimited Self: Destroy Limiting Beliefs, Uncover Inner Greatness, and Live the Good Life by Jonathan Heston