Don't Trust the Funhouse Mirror

When I was in sixth grade (oh, most dreaded of middle youth years!), a mean girl in my class told everyone that I thought I was a princess, and taunted me publicly.

First off, I would NEVER claim to be a princess. A mermaid, maybe, or a witch…but a princess? NAHHH….

I still remember the feeling of the skin on my face spontaneously bursting into flames. I remember the clenching in my gut. I remember feeling entirely alone.

“Flames, on the sides of my face…”

When these things used to happen (and they happened fairly often throughout junior high and high school), my mom would take me into the bathroom, make me look at my slobbery, snotty, sobbing self, and repeat after her:

“I am smart. I am kind. I am funny. I am beautiful. And if they can’t see these things, it’s their loss.”

This past week, I really could have used that.

I know people aren’t always going to agree with me, or like what I have to say. I can handle that.

But for two days, it felt like people who didn’t know me at all were holding up a funhouse mirror that distorted everything I was trying to say, warped my intentions, and twisted the image I hold of myself as a person who is out there trying to help others.

When all of this went down, I re-read everything. I questioned my ideas, and my actions. I spent a few days crying. Working through the feelings of being misunderstood and humiliated. Examining the experience to see what I could/should have done differently.

As someone who has had my own feelings hurt, and would never intentionally step on anyone else’s toes, I appreciate having the opportunity to address those situations directly and apologize.

But that requires direct communication, and message boards…are not very forgiving.

That funhouse mirror…made me look like a monster.

After trying in vain to recognize myself in the reflection I was being shown, I went to my friends and family, and asked them to hold up a truer mirror, to remind me who I really am.

They reminded me that:

• I am passionate about helping people so they don’t have to struggle with the same things I did

• I am brave for sharing my thoughts and ideas openly with the world

• I am kind

• I inspire others

• I encourage others

But that doesn’t mean they ONLY show me the good stuff.

Trust me, these people have known me long enough, they KNOW my flaws, and they will tell me to my face when I’m being unreasonable. (My mom especially!)

They also reminded me that: 

• I often need to listen better

• I cannot change people’s opinions or beliefs through force

• It’s even more important to make sure someone feels heard even if (and ESPECIALLY IF) I disagree with them

So, for anyone out there who didn’t feel heard or acknowledged, I’m sorry. Trust me, I heard you, even if I did not communicate it well. I truly hope there are no hard feelings.

All my love and gratitude to the friends and family who lent me their support this week. It was greatly appreciated. Thank you for being my mirror!