When I was in high school, I acted a ton. I was in every play. I performed in the talent show. I thought I was really good, like, I KNEW what acting was.
Acting was about being REAL. Very low-key, and grounded. You just had to FEEL things, but you shouldn’t try to hard to show them, because UGHHHH…OVERACTING AMIRIGHT? OVERACTING IS THE WORST!!!
Meanwhile, I was onstage, in the spotlight…but I was hiding. I was so afraid of being seen.
Little girl, I give you permission to shine.
All the while I was judging the cheesy overacting hacks that I thought were just narcissistic attention whores (like I said—judgy!), I was emoting my heart out, but selfishly keeping it all inside.
Years later, my amazing acting teacher Raye Birk (best acting teacher alive, so far as I’m concerned), said to our class:
“That which we judge in others, we probably need a little of ourselves.”
MIND. BLOWN.
WHOA.
I was a terrible actor for a long time because I judged overacting so harshly, was so averse to being seen as that type of actor, that I didn’t allow the audience to see anything of my experience.
Truly, both extremes are selfish. Acting is sharing the human experience with others, but if you’re overacting, then you’re not sharing. You’re demanding attention. Me, I was keeping it all for myself, thus I was boring.
Another thing I judged was people who were audacious…who didn’t need permission. WHO DID THEY THINK THEY WERE???
I was polite. I never wanted to overstep. Hell, I didn’t even want to ask for permission, because what gave me the right to have permission?
It was a long road to recovering from these judgements, but I have made great leaps toward allowing myself more of these things in my life.
Allowing myself to take up more space in the world, give to the world, and also be audacious enough to stake my claim on the things I really want has improved my life, my art, and my business. And it’s an ongoing process, because wherever those judgements came from, those limiting beliefs run deep.
They probably sounded something like:
If I stand out too much, people will laugh at me.
If I take up too much space, someone is going to be mean to me.
If I try to get what I want, someone’s going to slap my hand and tell me I can’t have it or don’t deserve it (or that we can’t afford it)
There’s a lot of lack mindset in my past from growing up poor, and there’s a lot of “keep your head down and don’t get your hopes too high.”
YIKES.
What about you?
What do you judge in others, and how might that be holding you back?
If you judge others who break the rules, maybe you need a little more freedom in your life.
If you judge others for stating their needs openly, maybe you need to be clearer about your own needs in your relationships.
If you judge others for not working hard enough, maybe you should take that Hawaiian vacation you’ve dreamed of for 20 years.
If you judge others for buying expensive things, maybe you should treat yourself once in a while, and buy that $150 pair of jeans that make your ass look amazing.
Take a good hard look at what you judge most in others, and I’ll bet you’ll find that it’s something you’ve been denying yourself…and it’s probably something that (in moderation) would make your life better in some way.