How to Get What You Want

No one gets everything they want 100% of the time.

That’s just ridiculous.

But if you can do just two things, you’ll get what you want a lot more often.

Be careful what you wish for…

First: Know what YOU want

Then: Get specific. Really specific. 

Without a target, you have nothing to aim for. 

What’s your bullseye?

So many of us (but actors especially) come from such a scarcity mentality, that we are afraid to say what we really want for fear of losing out on ANY opportunity. 

• We take the low paid jobs, for fear that the better paid ones will never come along. 

• We check yes to “Willing to take any role,” when we really only want to play the lead. 

• We audition for everything, and then have a panic attack about declining a role, worried that the director will never cast us again. 

There are times when being open minded is a good thing.

When you’re in your teens or twenties, you’re still discovering who you are, what you like, and what you’re good at. At that point, gaining experience of any kind is good until you start to narrow down your goals. 

However, just thinking about your options does not give you any actionable feedback.

Don’t overthink it. Pick a target. Try it out. Take action. 

Doing the thing gives you direct input—What do I like about this? What do I NOT like about this? 

You get feedback, and you adjust your course. But first, you must be in motion. 

Get moving

Listen to yourself. No one else. 

I used to work for Ann Kim, who runs four restaurants in Minneapolis. She won the James Beard Award a few years ago, and her advice when she won, her ongoing mantra: #fuckfear

Allow me to relate a short version of her story: She was an actress. She gave it up. She thought about opening a Jimmy Johns franchise. Instead, she opened her own restaurant, Pizzeria Lola. She had no experience running a restaurant and no formal chef training.

I’m sure many people out there probably tried to talk her out of it. 

That’s what our well-meaning family and friends often do—they put their own fears on us in the guise of trying to be helpful. Because they want to keep us safe. Protect us from disappointment.

So…

• We go to school for business instead of graphic design. 

• We opt for a “safe” career, rather than the one our heart yearns for. 

• We never take the steps toward our dream, because if we never try, we cannot fail. 

True story

My Story

I have known, in my soul, since I was three, that I wanted to be an actor. And by the time I was six, I added singer, artist, and writer to that list. 

My senior year of high school, I told the counselors I would not take AP Calculus because there was no reason—I was going to major in theatre, so why keep taking math? Instead, I spent my senior year taking AP Lit & Comp and another English class, and my after school time doing theatre at school and in local community theatres.

The summer after my senior year of college, I had trouble finding a job right away, and my mom encouraged me to apply at the grocery store. Now, there’s nothing wrong with working in a grocery store, but I have no regrets about never having applied. I had already worked retail for about six months in high school, and it was one of the most depressing jobs I’ve ever had. 

There is value in knowing what will help you grow, learn new skills, and make your soul expand vs contract. 

When I graduated from college, I knew I never wanted a full time desk job. I never wanted to be comfortable but unhappy. I wound up working at a desk job full time for almost four years, and while it was admittedly a pretty cushy position, there was no room for advancement or skill building, and it started wearing on me working 40 + hours a week, plus having rehearsals 20-30 hours a week, as well as auditions and trying to have a life. When I was finally laid off, I swore I would never let another full time position get in the way of pursuing my real goal of acting. 

When I became clear on wanting to do voiceover, I quit four of my five part time jobs. I kept the one job that would allow me to invest the most time and money in my voiceover career. And I quit doing theater. Because even though I love it, it didn’t fit into my plan anymore. At least not right now.

One path leads to the center of the labyrinth, and the other one leads to…certain death

Back to the discussion of specificity—

So, while I have known my whole life that I wanted to be an actor, and I have single-mindedly focused on that, the one thing I could have done better along the way is to be specific. To really dig in and figure out “What do I REALLY want?” 

Shakespeare? Film and TV? Musical theatre? Legit theatre? Creating my own work?

I’ve dabbled in a little bit of everything, but never committed to one path, always spouting the same wishy-washy bullshit line: “I just want to make a living acting!” 

So I did make my living “acting”…at kids’ birthday parties, as a mall princess, doing singing telegrams, reading palms at grad parties, being in corporate industrial videos, doing patient simulations for medical students, plus the occasional play that paid a stipend that didn’t even cover parking for the rehearsal period. 

Was that what I REALLY wanted? No! But what I really wanted was too big and scary to really say out loud.

If I had gotten specific and been honest about that, then I could have faced the scary things that it would have taken to get to my goal.

You know the saying…aim for the moon, and even if you miss, you’ll end up among the stars

How specific can you get?

One time, in my old accountability group, one of the members had said that he wanted to get cast in a feature film. 

That’s at least more specific than “I want to act.” 

But I challenged him to get more specific—

• What genre of film? 

• What kind of character? (The dad roles, he said)

• What kind of dad? 

There’s a huge difference between Liam Neeson’s role in Taken, Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire, and Jack Nicholson’s role in The Shining, but they’re all dads. 

Hell, Darth Vader is a dad. 

One day, son, you’ll be a great dad like me!

Time, money, and energy are all limited resources.

Know what you want, and you’ll not only waste a lot less of all three…

But in not scattering these resources, you’ll get what you want a lot more frequently as well.