A question for you all:
What are your biggest complaints that you run on repeat? And how much time have you devoted to ranting about these topics to anyone who will listen?
Has it been days? Months?
YEARS???
Do you call one friend or family member who helpfully offers empathy AND potential solutions, only to strike down each idea like Serena Williams backhanding a tennis ball…and then call the next person on the list and do the same thing?
If you have been complaining about something, even if only for days, but haven’t made a concrete decision that will either change the situation or change your attitude, you’re wasting your time.
Everyone needs to vent once in a while, but if you find yourself taking to Facebook to be consoled every time a client lowballs you on a job or to bitch about anything else that is a constant source of stress or aggravation, you might want to reconsider.
You will always find someone ready to rant along with you about how you’ve both been egregiously wronged.
But there’s a difference between acknowledging a legitimate problem and seeking a solution…or allowing negativity to hijack your emotional energy and hours and hours of your precious life.
Even this picture makes me feel stressed out
Every bad behavior you have, you repeat because it gives you SOMETHING.
Complaining:
Makes you feel heard
Validates your career hardships
Helps you connect with likeminded people in the community
Buys you time so you don’t have to make hard decisions or have difficult conversations
But are these positives worth it? Because complaining also has a lot of drawbacks…
Here are five reasons you should stop complaining right now:
Complaining is addictive
Any time you complain, you are actually changing the structure of your brain. Negative thoughts build negative neural patterns, making it easier to have those negative thoughts in the future. In order to break the cycle, you have to change how you think, choose to focus on the positive, and be judicious about what comes out of your mouth.
Complaining is contagious
Humans are wired to feel empathy for each other. Thanks to your mirror neurons, if you see someone experiencing a particular emotion, your brain immediately tries it on. So any time you complain out loud to your friends, you are not only wiring your own brain for negativity, but you’re inadvertently re-wiring theirs as well. I don’t know about you, but I want to help my friends become happier and more positive, not focus on what a shithole the world is.
Complaining is bad for your health
“According to The Journal for the Advancement of Medicine, even a five minute episode of recalling an angry experience can suppress the immune system for up to six hours.” Complaining releases cortisol, and those spikes in cortisol over time lead to a higher risk of diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, strokes and more. When you vent to every person in your inner circle separately about a situation that pissed you off, you are putting your body in that stress state over and over again, needlessly causing damage to your system. So, while it might feel good to relive your self-righteous anger over and over again, the object of your ire isn’t suffering—you are.
Complaining is a waste of time
How much time do you spend complaining about a situation rather than coming to a decision to either change the situation or change your focus? Anything that isn’t solving the problem or refocusing your attention in a more positive direction is a complete waste of your time.
Complaining is isolating
While some complaining can get you the benefits I mentioned above, in the long run, if you are a chronic complainer, you might start to find yourself increasingly isolated. You’ve probably been on the other end of this equation before with a friend whose constant negativity is so draining you start avoiding their invites. No one wants to be around Debbie Downer!
Alright, I gave you the reasons why you should stop—next week I’ll be back to give you some strategies for making the change.
In the meantime, become more aware of how much of what you say is airing grievances and think about what that’s giving you.
Awareness is always the first step to change.